Jersey Shore

Okay. I don't watch reality. I hate it. It's stupid. But I occasionally watch talk shows and always watch the Daily Show, both of which feature content that "informs" me of the latest reality craze.

So, I see this really cute, but incredibly dumb kid on Conan, or I guess it's the Tonight Show now. They show a clip from the show he's on Jersey Shore. This kid, who goes by nick name "The Situation," has a very cute face and amazing abs, but Oh My God is he dumb. I've never seen the show, but I get the appeal. They are all dumb; really dumb. But that's why people tune in.

I got home latish last night from dinner with my boyfriend and turned on the TV and Leno was on. He had the cast of this horror show playing a trivia game, including a lot of history. They were so amazingly stupid. They didn't know that 1776 was then the colonies declared independence. It took them several hints to figure out who a picture of Joe Biden was. They didn't know Thomas Edison invented the light bulb. They didn't know how unbelievably stupid they are.

They also didn't know that people are watching them because it's entertaining to see how weird and dumb they are. They are completely oblivious. I mean, they went on Leno and did a trivia game. They were so pleased with themselves that they were on TV, that they didn't realize that even dumb people know who Joe Biden is. Which makes them beyond dumb. They are morons.

I have no desire to see this show, and I'm spending this weekend at a friend's house on the Jersey Shore (but in the gayish part). If I somehow run into the "Situation," I may have to at least give him a horrified look before asking if I can see his abs. He's on MTV, which is pretty gay friendly, so I doubt he'd be homophobic. I'm sure he'd be so pleased to be recognized that he'd even let me touch his abs.

I took a break

I know I don't have readers, but I feel I must state that I was writing almost every day and then suddenly needed to take a break. I'm not sure why.

Blast from the Past: "Do you ever feel not so fresh"?

One of the great things about being a gay man is that you don't have to know about feminine hygiene things, cycles, etc. In the '80s, TV insisted that everyone know about such things. Thank the gods for DVRs.

Am I the only 'mo who hates Rosie?

I mean, I can't staaaaaaaaaaand her.

Favorite Quote of the Week 5: Joy Behar on drugs...

[To Elizabeth] "You consider marijuana a drug?"

—Joy Behar,

The View

12-3-09

Rachael Ray is...

...proof that anyone can be on TV.

What or who is "Elmo Cute"?

So, I try to live vicariously through my single friends. Don't get me wrong, being in a relationship is great, but I like to hear about the exploits of my single friends, especially the slutty ones.

Take my friend, let's call him Billy. He's mastered the art of hooking up (mostly online), but he's also been in several serious relationships. Last week he had a couple of dates with a guy he's been chatting with online for a few months; he is totally infatuated.

So he tells me (and apparently the guy, too) that this new guy is "Elmo cute." Now I found this appellation odd at first until he explained; I still think it's odd, but I'm starting to get it—I think.

[An aside, I plan to write about Elmo in the near future, because I've looked him up and found out he has quite a fascinating history; for one thing, I thought Elmo wasn't on Sesame Street when I was watching as a kid, but he was—he just didn't have a name or the personality he now has.]

Now Billy is pretty average for a gay urban professional, he's pretty cute, works out, but could stand to lose a about 15 pounds, looks young for his age, dresses fairly well, and was wearing rimless glasses 5 years before anyone heard of Sarah Pallin, but he's no underwear model or fashion plate. He says that the day he turned 30 he suddenly found it easy to meet cute younger guys (anywhere from early 20s to a little younger than him) and through his mid, into his late 30s this has always been true; he gets laid more than anyone I know. Some of these guys he meets once, others become regular things, and a few he's seriously and monogamously been involved with (the last one for more than two years).

The only time he ever heard the phrase "Elmo cute" was about five years ago in a divey bar. It's one of the ones that's been around quite a while and always seems to have people in it, but has never been trendy. There was a good looking really drunk guy at the bar (friends with the bartender) who started talking to him and eventually said "you're so cute...you're so cute that you're Elmo cute!" he then dragged him into a corner, they made out for about 5 minutes and then suddenly said he had to leave—no phone number or anything—never to be seen again.

Billy says that he never understood what "Elmo cute" meant until he met this new guy. I've seen the new guy's picture—he's very very cute, and looks about 10 years younger than he is. But Elmo cute? I'm still trying to understand the concept.

As I didn't grow up with Elmo, and only "met" him when I started to babysit kids as a young teen. I realize now that I only really know Elmo back then, and from commercials and occasional talk show appearances. Maybe I will understand him better if I actually watch the show—I just set my DVR to record a few episodes including one called "Elmo finds a baby bird." I'm not sure how this will help me understand how a gay boy can be "Elmo cute," but you never know.

Third and (probably) final note on Brothers & Sisters and the "A" word

So last night's Brothers & Sisters, continued the previous episode's code of "what do you want to do?" "I'll support your decision" (again, not exact quotes) and think they used the phrase "do you want to keep it?" without use of the actual word "abortion."

And, of course, Rebecca wants to keep the child so Justin, starting off their lives right by lying, said he did too. I wish the writers had had some guts on this issue. It would have been a far more interesting and thought provoking plot line if they'd reversed the roles and had her not want the baby and vice versa. Oh well.

Favorite Quote of the Week 4: Wanda Sykes Show

"Wooo, I tell you White People love Eggos."

—Wanda Sykes

The Wanda Sykes Show 11/28/2009

West Wing Classic: President Bartlett Pardons A Turkey on Thanksgiving

I think this is my favorite Thanksgiving episode of any show ever. The West Wing is in my top 5 favorite shows.

Below are two amazingly well written scenes. First C.J. asks the President to pardon a second turkey and then the President gives a very special gift to Charlie.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Just say "No!" to Febreze

Okay, first of all Febreze is gross. There's nothing in my apartment that smells bad because I keep it clean. For some reason I have a bottle of this vile smelling stuff, but it's almost full and I've had it for 5 years (and don't remember why I bought it—I should throw it out since I never use it).

My best friend had two, count 'em, two, roommates who thought they could Febreze their clothes instead of regularly washing them. That's just incredibly nasty.

I'm sure there are legitimate uses for this product, but the company seems to actually be perpetuating the myth that this chemical that removes odors somehow constitutes a cleaning product.

They have a commercial now where a mom walks into her teenaged son Carl's stinky bedroom right before he's supposed to have company; suddenly she has a brainstorm "let's wash it with Febreze!" and the ad's tag line is actually "for all the things you can't wash, wash it with Febreze." I'm sorry, that's false advertising. This stuff does not "wash" anything and, by the way, I think it smells terrible. How about washing it with actual cleaning products and not waiting until cute girls are about to come over? And, what, exactly, are the things you can't wash? I'm not familiar with these things.

Here it is in case you are bulimic and need something to help you purge.

Is it just me....

...or is Alex Trebek a total asshole?

Beware the Cavity Creeps!

I used to love these commercials when I was kid (I guess it was partially because the animation was better than a lot of the cartoons when I was a kid). Now they are incredibly dated and quite ridiculous—yet hilarious.

Blast from the Past: Yip Yip Aliens

I am planning to write about Sesame Street characters in the near future as a series, but in the meantime I was reminded recently of these guys, the Yip Yip aliens from 70's Sesame Street. What were these people smoking?

Favorite Quote of the Week 3: Whoopi on The View re: Vibrators (it's a family show)

Today on The View (watching on DVR, as I admitted recently) there was a segue from talking about professional wrestling (one of Sherri's obsessions, which I find boring):

Joy: "You know there's no commitment with Mr. Buzzy."

Whoopi: "Yeah!"

Sherri: "No, no, well first of all..."

Whoopi: "You put him in the drawer...and you don't get to him until you want him!"

Sherri: "Why do you think...you know what? I don't know what the fascination is for that because it's like don't you want a man, with arms, and a sense of humor and a brain who takes out the garbage?"

[Which is a runner up line, and the Quote of the Week...]

Whoopi: "You know what? Sometimes you just wanna get where you're going."

Why do I still watch Smallville?

This week Smallville actually did a version of the Wonder Twins, which got me thinking a lot about whether or not I should keep watching this show.

In case you don't know, the Wonder Twins were a Hanna-Barbera creation from the late '70s Superfriends cartoon version of the Justice League of America comic book (although I read a few years ago that they were integrated into the regular DC Universe). They were late teenaged twins named Zan and Jayna from the planet Exxor and they had the ability, upon touching rings and screaming "Wonder Twin Powers Activate!" for Zan to turn into any form of water (from an ice cube to a tidal wave, but usually just water) and Jayna into the shape of any animal from a caterpillar to a "space amoaba."

The Most Brilliant Thing I Saw On TV This Week: Wanda Sykes —Obamacare

I plan to write about Wanda Sykes in a long post in the next couple of weeks, but in the meantime, I thought this clip from the second episode of her new show is brilliant.

Brothers & Sister Follow Up, will they use the word "Abortion"?

So, as I wrote about the other day, TV has been squeemish about mentioning that women have the right of choice when it comes to pregnancy in this country.

I posited that it would interesting to see whether or not Rebecca on Brothers & Sisters would at least consider or discuss getting an abortion. Well, this week we saw a little progress. She had a scene with her father (who she barely knows) and confided in him about her delicate condition. To which there were lines like "what are you going to do?" and "I'll support you no matter what" (not exact quotes).

I hope they have more courage than that in the coming episodes.

Gay Icon: KITT

Growing up in the 80s there weren't a lot of gay role models on TV. There had been Jody on Soap, but I was a little young for that. I guess there were sporadic gay characters on the hour dramas I didn't watch (I think there was a dramatic gay AIDS plot on St. Elswhere), but there were no openly gay characters on the shows I watched.

But there was one who never came out. I speak, of course, of KITT: The Knight Industries Two Thousand, the talking car from Knight Rider. I know I'm not the only person to have this theory (I even found an article claiming that David Hasselhoff said he was gay, but I don't know if it's real).

If you are dubious, think about it and then find a rerun. He has a vaguely effeminate voice, and he's pretty much in love with Michael. In addition, he gets obviously jealous when Michael hooks up (which is not uncommon). Not to mention the bitchy sarcasm.

One of the reasons the new show failed (despite the über gorgeous cast) was that KITT was played like HAL from 2001: A Space Odyssey—Val Killmer was terrible as his voice. (Horrible writing didn't help either.)

I'm glad "the kids" today have better role models than my generation had!

Favorite Quote of the Week 2

“He knows your special, like a black stripper with blue eyes."
—Tracy Jordan to Liz Lemon
30 Rock, November 12, 2009 Episode

Blast from the Past: FYI with Hal Linden

I was sick a lot as a kid (thankfully I'm a very healthy adult), so I sat home and watched TV. Mostly I remember game shows and soap operas. I have a memory of watching the Challenger take off because I was home sick (I'm not positive that really happened).

But I definitely remember these little "FYI" spots that Hal Linden did during ABC Soap Operas commercial breaks or maybe it was between the different soaps. Apparently he won some Emmys for these things.

Um...enjoy?

Guilty Pleasure: I take a little time each day to enjoy The View

I have to admit that I started occasionally watching The View  a very long time ago (the young co-host at the time was Lisa Ling). I never videotaped it, but whenever I was home (which wasn't very often, as I worked full time) I watched it. My favorite of the ladyieswas Meridith Viera and I always thought they were all very restrained and the show was quite boring when Barbara Walters was on it. 

I stopped watching during the Rosie O'Donnell period. I can't stand her. I will never forgive her for going back into the closet for her talk show and then pretending to have a crush on Tom Cruise for what seemed like a decade. Everyone gay knew she was a lesbian and the fake shit she did on that show to pretend she wasn't was pathetic. And the nerve she had to be upset when she was outed prior to her book coming out  after her show was going off the air. I know she's done good things for the movement since, but she actually did the unforgivable, because coming out should always be a one way process.  

So I never watched during the Rosie era, but I tuned in after she left. The show is so fun now. First of all, since Babs left 20/20, she's lightened up and although I prefer the show without her, after all these years Joy Bahar says whatever she wants now, no matter whether Barbara is there or not.  

But the true star of the show is Whoopie Goldberg. She was born to host this show and I'm so glad she decided to do it. So my confession is that I love The View. I have been DVRing it since early this summer and, frankly, I love this show.

Is Abortion Still Legal on Network TV?

A friend of mine recently pointed out that despite the fact that Maude had an abortion on a sitcom in 1972, as did Erica Kane on All My Children a year later, abortion seems to be a more of a taboo topic today than it was more than three decades ago (whereas the best we could get for gay characters in the’70s was Billy Crystal as Jody on Soap).

I have to admit I was disappointed that Desperate Housewives stayed away from the topic, considering all the other things they've delved into over the years. When Lynnette got pregnant with her fourth and fifth children this season, it wasn't even discussed as a possibility that she wouldn't have them (the characters, unlike the Solis family aren't even Catholic). I'm informed that another show I watch only occasionally did the same thing. On Law & Order: SVU Stabler and his wife, two characters heading towards divorce, with several older/grown children never even considered abortion when she got pregnant a while back.

What were they thinking?: Godzooky

There are many mysteries in the history of television. Things that make one say "what were they thinking?" The most obvious one from my childhood was the addition of Scrappy Doo to the Scooby Gang. But I recently thought of another one. There was a short-lived Godzilla cartoon when I was a small child. This was back when local TV actually showed Godzilla movies (I'm surprised with all the channels they aren't on somewhere). But I have a particularly fond memory of how awful the comic relief character they added to the Godzilla mythos, a miniature flying Godzilla named Godzooky. Man what an awful character. What were they thinking?!?

Soylent Green M&Ms are Made Out of People!

I use a crappy DVR to watch TV (I miss and hope someday to return to my long lost TiVo), so I don't watch a lot of commercials. But I'm the kind of TV watcher that is usually doing two things at once (I tend to rewind quite a bit because of that). Unless I'm working out, during which I fast forward commercials immediately, some commercials "slip through." (I realize that advertising pays for our "free" TV, and the implications of not watching commercials, but that's another post.).

I've been disturbed lately by the growing number of anthropomorphized foods that talk about how they know they are going to, or might be eaten. Am I the only one who is bothered by this? A chicken begging people to eat beef instead of them (or was it vice versa?). Or M&Ms that openly say "we're on the menu." I mean, I know M&Ms were never alive and aren't really food, but it's just weird to attribute human qualities to things we eat in advertisements designed to get us to buy food products. I'm against this trend.

Granted that this could partially be vague homosexism on my part, but the green "sexpot" M&M also really freaks me out.

(N.B.: The above is actually a print ad from Australia, but it makes the point.)

R.I.P. Eastwick...I hope it ends well

Eastwick is a cute show. I can see why it’s not doing well in the ratings and, according to one of my favorite sites, TV By the Numbers, it’s likely to be cancelled. I do hope you writers will turn it into a mini-series and wrap it up as well as they possibly can.

Favorite Quote of the Week

“Your occupation is beak clipper?”
—Temperance “Bones” Brennan
Bones, November 6, 2009 Episode

[Technically this is from last week, but I hadn't started the blog yet]

One Word Review #1: V "Pilot"

Wow.

Mad Men: Why I won’t be tuning in to Season 4

The first season of Mad Men was brilliant. It had an original and interesting premise and setting, great casting and acting, high production values and fantastic period work. But it also had something else—a titillating mystery: Who was Don Draper?

The plot lines were fun and it was a fascinating look at how things might have been in the early ’60s in a Manhattan advertising firm. But what kept the over all plot line together was the slowly revealed back-story about who the main character Don Draper really was and how he got to be a top ad man in the New York with the “perfect” life that was, of course, anything but.

The rave reviews, media attention and awards the first season won were richly deserved. But once we knew who Don was, where would it go from there? The answer, at least in terms of the back-story was pretty obvious to me. I was certain that season two would explore what happened to the real Don Draper and what would happen if someone came looking for him and found his impostor, instead. I was close.