Quotes of the Week: Desperate Housewives & Modern Family

I didn't write for a few weeks, so I'm doing two quotes this week. One from an old favorite and one from a show I just started watching.

"All our friends are white. You didn't want me to teach the girls Spanish!"

 "Because I don't understand it and  I didn't want you guys plotting behind my back!"

 —Gabriel to Carlos, Desperate Housewives, January 10, 2010

[Couldn't find a good picture]

"You're not mad at me, you're mad at the old balls and chain."

 —Jay to Mitchell, Modern Family, January 13, 2010

Peace Solution to the Talk Show Wars: The Jay Leno "Special"

The peace solution to the so called Talk Show War, or as it should be referred to, because this has happened before, Talk Show War II: The Laugh of Letterman is simple (and is what should have happened last year): Conan should stay put at 11:30, and Leno should produce and star in periodic prime time "Specials."

I'm going to assume everyone knows about what happened in 1992-3 between NBC, Jay Leno and David Letterman, resulting in Dave leaving NBC for CBS; that was the first Talk Show War. It was much more significant because way fewer people had cable, there were  fewer cable stations anyway, FOX was a kindergartner and CW was yet to be. The 11:30 time slot was far more important to the network's overall profitability (and networks are far less profitable now than they were in 1992).

Of course the irony is that NBC made the deal that Jay would step down and Conan would take over to avoid what happened in the ’90s from happening again, but something changed  Jay's willingness to retire in 2009.

In any case, here we are with The Jay Leno Show doing poorly, Conan saying he'll quit if he loses his time slot and Letterman laughing ass off because, as Whoopi pointed out on the View today, NBC treated him like, "dirt under the shoe."

Jersey Shore

Okay. I don't watch reality. I hate it. It's stupid. But I occasionally watch talk shows and always watch the Daily Show, both of which feature content that "informs" me of the latest reality craze.

So, I see this really cute, but incredibly dumb kid on Conan, or I guess it's the Tonight Show now. They show a clip from the show he's on Jersey Shore. This kid, who goes by nick name "The Situation," has a very cute face and amazing abs, but Oh My God is he dumb. I've never seen the show, but I get the appeal. They are all dumb; really dumb. But that's why people tune in.

I got home latish last night from dinner with my boyfriend and turned on the TV and Leno was on. He had the cast of this horror show playing a trivia game, including a lot of history. They were so amazingly stupid. They didn't know that 1776 was then the colonies declared independence. It took them several hints to figure out who a picture of Joe Biden was. They didn't know Thomas Edison invented the light bulb. They didn't know how unbelievably stupid they are.

They also didn't know that people are watching them because it's entertaining to see how weird and dumb they are. They are completely oblivious. I mean, they went on Leno and did a trivia game. They were so pleased with themselves that they were on TV, that they didn't realize that even dumb people know who Joe Biden is. Which makes them beyond dumb. They are morons.

I have no desire to see this show, and I'm spending this weekend at a friend's house on the Jersey Shore (but in the gayish part). If I somehow run into the "Situation," I may have to at least give him a horrified look before asking if I can see his abs. He's on MTV, which is pretty gay friendly, so I doubt he'd be homophobic. I'm sure he'd be so pleased to be recognized that he'd even let me touch his abs.

I took a break

I know I don't have readers, but I feel I must state that I was writing almost every day and then suddenly needed to take a break. I'm not sure why.

Blast from the Past: "Do you ever feel not so fresh"?

One of the great things about being a gay man is that you don't have to know about feminine hygiene things, cycles, etc. In the '80s, TV insisted that everyone know about such things. Thank the gods for DVRs.

Am I the only 'mo who hates Rosie?

I mean, I can't staaaaaaaaaaand her.

Favorite Quote of the Week 5: Joy Behar on drugs...

[To Elizabeth] "You consider marijuana a drug?"

—Joy Behar,

The View

12-3-09

Rachael Ray is...

...proof that anyone can be on TV.

What or who is "Elmo Cute"?

So, I try to live vicariously through my single friends. Don't get me wrong, being in a relationship is great, but I like to hear about the exploits of my single friends, especially the slutty ones.

Take my friend, let's call him Billy. He's mastered the art of hooking up (mostly online), but he's also been in several serious relationships. Last week he had a couple of dates with a guy he's been chatting with online for a few months; he is totally infatuated.

So he tells me (and apparently the guy, too) that this new guy is "Elmo cute." Now I found this appellation odd at first until he explained; I still think it's odd, but I'm starting to get it—I think.

[An aside, I plan to write about Elmo in the near future, because I've looked him up and found out he has quite a fascinating history; for one thing, I thought Elmo wasn't on Sesame Street when I was watching as a kid, but he was—he just didn't have a name or the personality he now has.]

Now Billy is pretty average for a gay urban professional, he's pretty cute, works out, but could stand to lose a about 15 pounds, looks young for his age, dresses fairly well, and was wearing rimless glasses 5 years before anyone heard of Sarah Pallin, but he's no underwear model or fashion plate. He says that the day he turned 30 he suddenly found it easy to meet cute younger guys (anywhere from early 20s to a little younger than him) and through his mid, into his late 30s this has always been true; he gets laid more than anyone I know. Some of these guys he meets once, others become regular things, and a few he's seriously and monogamously been involved with (the last one for more than two years).

The only time he ever heard the phrase "Elmo cute" was about five years ago in a divey bar. It's one of the ones that's been around quite a while and always seems to have people in it, but has never been trendy. There was a good looking really drunk guy at the bar (friends with the bartender) who started talking to him and eventually said "you're so cute...you're so cute that you're Elmo cute!" he then dragged him into a corner, they made out for about 5 minutes and then suddenly said he had to leave—no phone number or anything—never to be seen again.

Billy says that he never understood what "Elmo cute" meant until he met this new guy. I've seen the new guy's picture—he's very very cute, and looks about 10 years younger than he is. But Elmo cute? I'm still trying to understand the concept.

As I didn't grow up with Elmo, and only "met" him when I started to babysit kids as a young teen. I realize now that I only really know Elmo back then, and from commercials and occasional talk show appearances. Maybe I will understand him better if I actually watch the show—I just set my DVR to record a few episodes including one called "Elmo finds a baby bird." I'm not sure how this will help me understand how a gay boy can be "Elmo cute," but you never know.

Third and (probably) final note on Brothers & Sisters and the "A" word

So last night's Brothers & Sisters, continued the previous episode's code of "what do you want to do?" "I'll support your decision" (again, not exact quotes) and think they used the phrase "do you want to keep it?" without use of the actual word "abortion."

And, of course, Rebecca wants to keep the child so Justin, starting off their lives right by lying, said he did too. I wish the writers had had some guts on this issue. It would have been a far more interesting and thought provoking plot line if they'd reversed the roles and had her not want the baby and vice versa. Oh well.